# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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