East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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