no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
