I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
