we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
