Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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