did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize