I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
