Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize