Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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