pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
