tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
