You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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