Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
