their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
