if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
