So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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