you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
