I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
