I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
