I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
