If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need moral support for this bender
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
