I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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