yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
