I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
