12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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