went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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