May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You ruined the universe
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
