so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We need to rekindle our bromance
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
