So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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