she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Welp...herpes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
