i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh god it's open bar.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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