Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
