Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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