My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
