Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
