What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
