he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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