i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
