I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I deserve this hangover.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
