After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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