You're my little dorito
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize