She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
