I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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