bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We need to get me chipped asap
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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