Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
