This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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