Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
