Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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