Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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