Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize