not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
