i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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