Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
