What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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