i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
