stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
