12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
