we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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