Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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