Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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