A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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