I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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