so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
