Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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