I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can i not drive my cunt home
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
