The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
