so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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