As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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