WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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