no, he came in my armpit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She bit a glass in half.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
