We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
