Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I believe in your delicious
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
