On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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