i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
