god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
