I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Actions speak louder than pants.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
