my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
