i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
